We Regret To Inform You Storm Area 51 Has Horribly Affected Pornhub Searches
Storm Area 51 – the joke event that would see over a million people show up to the top-secret military base and Naruto run at it in attempt to "clap alien cheeks" – has captured a lot of imaginations.
As with all big events – such as the Super Bowl, the Royal wedding and even the false missile alert in Hawaii – this has spilled out into the world of pornography. Apparently, fans of the idea (and hilarious memes) can't stop thinking about it for long enough to crank it. Mashable asked Pornography website Pornhub if the event had had any effect on what people were searching for, and oh boy didn't it just.
As well as a massive increase in general searches relating to aliens, there were also increases in incredibly specific search terms that would make E.T., ALF, or even Predator blush.
Let's start with just plain old vanilla searches for "Area 51".
Searches for Area 51 shot up from zero to 167,839 in total in just four days. However, the baseline of zero doesn't mean that people aren't generally searching for E.T. in pornography websites, like a horny SETI.
"Our statisticians then probed further into all “alien” related searches, and found that this was a surprisingly popular genre even before going viral," Pornhub said in its Insights article.
"Over the last year, an average day sees more than 30,000 people shoot their rockets off to 'alien' videos."
That number has gone up significantly since the start of the Storm Area 51 idea took off. And lord help you all, the search terms are bizarre.
Topping the list is "alien impregnation". Apparently the Internet isn't happy with aliens having a good time, they need to know that an alien baby is on the way.
The most confusing search term that's springing out there is "xenomorph alien", which is an alien that transforms into a human. What these people are essentially searching for is human porn, which I'm led to believe by perverts is on the Internet in abundance.
As well as the unimaginative "alien probe" you'd expect, "alien belly" is in there for some reason. Pornhub speculates that this – oh god – might be a reference to the chestburster scene from Alien. Hot.
The demographic breakdown confirmed what you probably already knew: It is mainly the young that are interested in "storming area 51 to clap alien ass" to use a euphemism. Women were more likely to search for alien-related pornography than men.
In terms of area breakdown, it seems Alaskans are far more likely to search for alien porn than the US average by over 100%. Whatever floats your boat, Palin.
Thankfully Nevada, where Area 51 is located, was only a bit hornier than average for aliens, at +7%. Although any aliens in Area 51 that have access to the Internet may be looking nervously at neighboring Utah and Idaho, who are watching a bit too much alien pornography than is ideal.
If you're reading this from elsewhere and thinking "Ha, America you're weird!" then wipe that smug grin off your face. I regret to inform you that the rest of the world are also perverts.